"On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you: your right hand upholds me" (Psalm 63:6-8)_
A friend of mine was going through a tough time. At the age of fifty years old she was wrestling with her past. She was raised in a Christian home and supposedly her dad was a strong believer. He was a leader in the church. So, from the outside everything looked healthy and good. Except in the evenings, late into the night, her father would come and get her out of bed and molest and abuse her. This went on for years and eventually she became an adult and was able to leave home. She was like many women who are able to compartmentalize her pain and completely block it out of her mind.
Because she blocked the pain our of her mind, her relationship with God was sterile and she did not trust God. She pushed him out of her life and lived a life that was meaningless and fine. She functioned as a person who was productive and purposeful and had all the trappings from the outside showed that she could manage life in a way that she was a productive adult. Control was the important functioning factor and as long as she could control or fix any problem all was right with the world. Until her world starting crashing down around her. Which brings us to her age of fifty years old. Her control and productiveness started dwindling and the strength to fix any issue was producing a dullness in life.
She pushed God out of her life for years because he let her down. She was angry that he did not protect her. She felt betrayed by God and she did not even understand how it is someone could even love God or that he loved her.
She finally went to a counselor that helped her work through her heartache. My friend knew that something needed to happen as she was at a place where life was meaningless and she was unable to function in her day to day responsibilities. Her counselor started to help her gently work through her wounded soul and she learned to pull God into her heartache. She started to unwrap the package of pain and betrayal and she started to see that God was in the midst of her childhood past. She learned to pull God into her suffering past and present heartache. It was not an easy process but she courageously kept facing the past while bringing God into her pain. The thorough work of being persistent and consistent helped her to understand how much God truly did love her and he was there in the midst of her pain with his loving arms wrapped around her. She felt that she was “held her in the shelter of His wings.”